Download e-book for iPad: 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether instructed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and ease unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly smart, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no higher time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this e-book, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever informed in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever want – and a complete lot extra.

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Example text

I just want to congratulate the Viagra pharmaceutical company for selling over 1 million tablets last month. Keep it up, lads! My parents have gone to India with some friends. Mumbai? No, she’s straight, but I don’t think it’s that kind of trip anyway. I’ve been voted employee of the month for the last fifteen months. Being self-employed has its advantages. Unwritten rule of the day: don’t make eye contact while eating a banana. I remember the first time I attempted suicide: my whole life flashed before my eyes.

I have a stalker. Everywhere I go, she’s always there, ten paces ahead of me. ‘Coming soon to a cinema near you’ … How do they know where I live? Your mum’s so stupid she went to DFS and bought a full-price sofa. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s plaster cast. I was arrested today over a slight misunderstanding at work. Apparently taking your work home is classed as theft when you work in a bank. What do you get when you ask a politician to tell ‘the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth’?

Avalanche: what Italians do every day at about half past twelve. Just had an awkward time with a prostitute who expected me to take her on a date. She must have misunderstood when I asked if she was free in the morning. I gave my sister away at her wedding. ’ Son: ‘My friend’s borrowed it. ’ Did you know? It’s impossible to say ‘good eye might’ without sounding Australian. How come all the girls on Facebook take so many photos of their mirrors? I used to go to AA meetings. We would meet up in the pub, get absolutely wasted and not tell each other our names.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker


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